What You Do Speaks So Loud I Cannot Hear What Your Are Saying

Yeah we’re just going to become a Twitter repost site at this point. J/K. I like posting this stuff because I want to normalize it. I want more women to become empowered and emboldened and just disrupt the status quo. I feel like girls need to know these things because so many fall into traps that they should have avoided to begin with. And by some girls I mean that was me. You can be however old, however smart, however confident, it can still happen.

I was 32 when it happened. I was basically a narcissist. All of the confidence in the world. I never let a guy talk down to me, I laughed if one ever came for me, I told them to kick rocks, I loved myself. Words alone cannot express how highly I thought of myself. I was bulletproof.

And then came along Christian Kinnersley, who ripped that to shreds. He annihilated my confidence. Told me I was worthless. My favorite most fucked up one was 'I can’t marry you because you’re too old to have my children, but I’ll have kids with someone else and you can be my secret family'. And I used to ignore it, but I shouldn’t have. It always starts as "joking". That was funny to him. That’s how his mind worked. He thought that was okay. That tells you how fucked up his mindset is. 

And I loved him. With everything in my being. The love I felt for him is impossible to put into words. The moment I first knew I loved him? I had never felt anything like that before in my life. The world stopped. Having someone, who is your whole world, constantly tell you how inadequate you are, really fucks you up. 

He used to tell me if you would stop eating, if you could get Emily Ratjakowski or Kate Middleton skinny, I would marry you. In my opinion both of those women look disgustingly malnourished and unattractive, but this is what he said to me all of the time, to the point that I developed an eating disorder.

So be like that girl above. Cut it off as soon as it happens. And if you’re in a relationship and it starts happening months in (for me it wasn’t in the beginning), say something. Because you could end up needing to do years of work to undo the damage that person did to you. Like me! 🙃

But I have to say I think women, especially younger women, are increasingly better at spotting this stuff and stoping it before it starts. Why else are there so many articles about men having trouble dating, men having less sex, and more women choosing to be single? Women know their worth, and that’s a beautiful thing. So keep telling your stories, it’s working.