Words Like Violence Break the Silence

I love her. She is me.

I get asked this quite often and I’m not sure how to answer it. I don’t think there’s any advice that can be given or like a special formula that can bring it out. I don’t know where I got it from, I don’t know how it came about, I’m sure if I delved really deep into my psyche I could psychoanalyze a reason. I grew up very shy, but I ended up self assured, direct, confident, narcissistic, and assertive. It just happened that way. 

It’s not always great; not women, but men are intimidated by me. But, and I don’t know why, I just don’t give a fuck. I am without shame. I know what I want, I speak my mind, and if someone doesn’t like it they were never meant for you. “If he gets scared off because you were too real than why you want him girl?”. I don’t let other people’s thoughts and opinions get in the way. The only opinion that matters is my own. I wish I could teach a masterclass, but... 

kinda horny all the time, into dirty jokes *dicks pics and sexting

There I was minding my own business when a guy messaged me on a dating app. I’ve stopped using them so no idea why I opened it that day. The Universe wanting to kill my vibe I guess (plot twist it didn't work). It was a weird message. I don’t understand the need to insert yourself into someone who is just minding their own business. I think it was a mixture of toxic masculinity and a small penis (sad). Why are men so offended when a woman owns her sexuality? In my bio I had expressed my views and I guess his misogyny couldn’t handle it. I’m not here to make excuses for him. But he must have been really agitated (to send me 5 messages) by me openly speaking about sex, that I thoughtfully laid out my non-negotiables, and that I determinedly said I wouldn’t accept anything to the contrary. Like bruh it πŸ‘ wasn't πŸ‘ directed πŸ‘ at πŸ‘ you πŸ‘ but clearly he felt some type of way. Now, my favorite hobby is putting men in their place, but I didn't engage. I kept scrolling. #Growth 

But I did give pause for a sec. I was on the precipice of reading him for filth. This kind of thing doesn’t happen often, but when it does it’s usually the same fragile masculine response; slut (cuz you gotta be to love sex), crazy (cuz you gotta be to express your opinion), feminist. Feminist is my favorite derogatory. It’s so strange in the year 2022 that women still get called that. Is it supposed to be denigrating? Should I cry into my Tampax? 

I am uncompromisingly forthright, I own my sexuality and have a healthy relationship with sex, I have a deep understanding of emotional intelligence, and I am strong enough to stand up to anyone who tries to take me on. These are not negatives. You’ve seen me at my lowest point on here, so you know my confidence isn’t always unassailable. I was in my feels, but like a cockroach after a nuclear war I rise. What can I say, I'm on my own bullshit and I always bounce back. I know I’m amazing πŸ’…πŸ»πŸ€·πŸ»‍♀️ Unforgettable, unregrettable, me. 

I wish I had some Mr. Miyagi shit to lay down, but I don't have a manual. I wish I could share my confidence #BDE with other women. I wish I could give you some sage advice, but I don't even notice it until it's pointed out by someone who's afraid of it or in awe of it. I can guarantee that you have it within yourself. I guess you have to learn to be unafraid to speak up and assert yourself. Living amongst the French definitely helps. No fucks to give... Chin up, it will happen. 

Happy Taurus Szn everyone ♉️