Beware the Ides of March

Et tu France? 

Perhaps I shouldn’t be so ominous. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Maybe for proponents of the English language, but I’m not sure anyone will really care or even notice this bit of news.

A lot of people (outside of America) may not realize this but in America Spanish is everywhere. I grew up in Texas, and wherever you went; signs, on the telephone, tv, instruction manuals, Spanish was throughout. It’s pretty normal for most Americans to know basic Spanish or to speak Spanglish. We all just kind of accept it’s a fact of life. 

There are a few Americans (mostly white people) who like to believe they’re Native American, and they don’t need to speak any foreign languages, but a history of the United Stares will patently explain that it was controlled by the Dutch, Spanish, and French, not just the English, which is why some names, and even common words are ‘foreign’. There are a few Americans that are very proud of their heritage (Italians and Irish to name two), but a melting pot country has to contend with the mishmash that brings so we fully embrace it. “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free”. 


Which brings me to people who do not feel the same way but gave us that lovely gift, the French. I personally love that the French are so protectionist. It makes me laugh because they do the most. And I get it. They’re a tiny country, they want to protect their ways, globalism be damned. I remember reading an article years ago that posited that thanks to African nations French would become the world’s most spoken language by 2048. Although now that the Chinese are learning Spanish, maybe not. How funny would it be if Spain swept in on the low and stole that title? It’s a shame, they were so close to global domination. 


Along with being extremely protectionist, I also love France’s hate hard on for the English. Not Americans. Not Canadians (who they can’t tell aren’t American anyhow). Not Australians. The English, bain of their existence.


It is with little surprise that they are pushing for the EU to drop English from the EU’s official language, and instead use Latin. Obviously they can’t have French back, no matter how much they wish it so, but anything’s better than English right? Even though technically, the Germans and north Europeans never spoke it, and their language did not evolve from it, but whatever, France wants what it wants.


But I can’t really blame them for this absurd request. Those pesky English have been a thorn in their side for over a thousand years, and I live for the hate they harbor for them. I love a petty Betty and France is petty. I had my own bad breakup with the English, so I get it. I’m all for it whenever they scheme a new way to thwart them or when they find any opportunity to plunge the knife in deeper. Amore et melle et felle es fecundissimus.


However I can say that I’m not bothered if the official language of Europe becomes Latin. I took Latin for many years. I was an obnoxious intellectual who wanted to throw my weight around so I chose to learn it instead of French, Spanish, German, or Japanese. I would have probably learned Aramaic and Sumerian too if they had let me. Much like French I can’t speak it, but I can read it, so I’m okay with this news. All of us pretentious academics can finally make use of our Latin skills. Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixture dementia fuit. 


Long live Latin, may it rise from the dead. 




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